The BODcast - S2: E5

Well hello - welcome back to S2, episode FIVE of The BODcast!

Today we are talking emotional labour and the mental load.

Aren’t they the same thing, April? Oh sweet baby, no. They’re linked, for sure - and happen a lot of the time for the same people, but they’re not interchangeable.

Let’s start with mental load - anyone who’s ever been in a domestic partnership or had caring responsibilities will know about this.

The mental load is the additional work we do when keeping track of life stuff - for me, as a mum and the more ‘admin-oriented’ person in my family, it means things like asking, “Do we have enough grocery items? When is your phone bill due? Has our child got sunscreen on? Did you remember to stop at the pharmacy like I asked?” or remembering when to say yes or no to an invite because of appointments or activities that are already in the calendar.

These invisible tasks are the ones we do to keep our households running and data has shown that more often, women bear the significant burden in terms of mental load. 

So how’s that different to emotional labour? I mean, it sounds laborious AF, am I right??

Emotional labour was a term first used in the 80s by Arlie Hochschild to describe the way we present during paid work - you might think of this as ‘customer service’ or ‘putting on a happy face’ when at work.

Think of the times you’ve been the person taking a call or speaking to a customer - they’re always right, right? Well, no - but we are usually inducted to a workplace with an understanding of how the business owner expects their workers to treat their customers.

The call centre worker who keeps their voice calm while being berated, the waitress who smiles when she sets down plates or cups even when it might be on a table of people who don’t return the friendly gesture. This is emotional labour. It asks us to put aside our feelings and show the feelings we want to be perceived.

Given you’re here, listening to this podcast, there’s a very good chance you have heard or seen this term being used to describe the work of marginalised folk to explain the intersections and issues they face.

I first heard it used when the Black Lived Matter movement saw hundreds of Black, Indigenous, and people of colour talking about race, or anti-racism - at the behest of white people who didn’t understand the concept of white privilege.

Perhaps you’ve read an educational post from a disabled person discussing ableism or accessibility issues. In my case, you’ve maybe followed the Instagram account of a fat person trying to show how to support fat liberation.

Again, in this context, it asks us to put aside our feelings - in this case, to dissociate from the trauma that led us to have such an intimate understanding of the oppression our bodies face ib a daily basis. The concept of tone policing that I covered in last week’s episode speaks to HOW we discuss these sometimes painful topics - asking someone who is willingly sharing their insight to do so in a way that is more comfortable to hear.

Emotional labour is inherently unappreciated until brought to the attention of people witnessing it - because it is intangible. For this reason, it is usually unpaid - which is something many activist are working to change. The advent of platforms like Patreon allow creators who have expertise and experience to be paid for their insights and for the work that goes into discussing and sharing the difficulties of holding one or more oppressed identities.

Emotional labour in relationships is another way it shows up - maybe you know someone who is really good at calling on you for help but not so much at offering help to you. Maybe you live with someone whose emotions are volatile so you do a lot of mental gymnastics to avoid outbursts or stress. Maybe you’re the go-to friend when there’s a crisis? 

Maybe your DMs get full of people sharing their personal experiences that can be really draining, and you feel compelled to respond to each of them with care and kindness because you do genuinely care about them - it’s still work to support someone, especially if you are not in a space to do so with boundaries.

No matter how emotional labour shows up in your life, it’s important to advocate for yourself and remind people to pay you for your work - or to minimise the amount of unpaid emotional labour you do by having some boundaries that you feel comfortable expressing. 

The consumption of knowledge and insight that social media allows us to have needs to also come with the hope that when people learn from you, they should acknowledge it (and the burden of asking should be removed whenever possible). 

If you know you’re someone who’s learning and growing with the help of online activists, take the opportunity to look for the ways you can pay them and show that you appreciate their work.

After all, if you’d pay $400 for a ticket to a fancy corporate event to see someone speak, why wouldn’t you also pay a portion of that to someone who creates content every day that you get something out of?

Food for thought, babes, and until next time,  remember - your body, my body, every body is a good body.